Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You're so nebulous sometimes
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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