I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
