Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
