...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
