I'm so fucking centered right now
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
