Cold hands, warm shart.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
