Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize