why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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