At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
