I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
