i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
