So drunk, too bad you don't want this
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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