Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
