I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
