my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
