Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
