TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
