Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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