Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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