I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We need to get me chipped asap
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
