Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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