Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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