i already hear my dad disowning me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
