I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
