There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
