so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
