It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
