I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
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Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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