I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
