Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
