video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
