I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
