I'm jealous of your bromance
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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