At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
