Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
