kristin has been a bad kristin
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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