So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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