You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
