Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize