My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
