My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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