About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
