He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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