I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
