I heard we made out
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My penis needs a shock collar
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I touched a dick in church today
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
