I want to make a zoo with you.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
