Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize