a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
