I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
