one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
