Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
