im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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