I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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