just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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