i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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