it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
