My nipple is on Facebook.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
