Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
