U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize