Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
it's great music for shaving your balls
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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