i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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