so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
