i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
