he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
