i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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