Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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