I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
