I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
