We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
