I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
