A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
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Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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