Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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