i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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