at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
