"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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