i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
